her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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