So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
