I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize