Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
