Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
