If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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