I can text with my tongue
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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