Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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