I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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