You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
