I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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