Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
