Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
