I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
