when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
