Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
