Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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