I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
