Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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