We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
