If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
