I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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