Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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