so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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