after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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