Jerry, you need to find god
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
