Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
