so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
