Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
