This girl is more easily done than said...
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize