So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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