i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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