I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
