she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
