I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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