sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
