I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
