Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize