My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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