so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
