Whod you bang
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
