walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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