What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
