yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
if only i could text you this smell
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
