I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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