5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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