i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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