watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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