I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
