and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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