Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
