just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
