I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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