I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
