Where did you get a picture of my penis
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
