2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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