oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
