first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
