i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
