I like to think it a success when the cops are called
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
