Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
