Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
