everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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