Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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